Diagnoses in Rose Bud

Follow Up:

Sort of............

As I mentioned in a couple of past blog posts, it was my intention to see Barry Joneshill, of Rose Bud, Arkansas, owner and operator of the health food store, Remedies, in same said town.

And so I did...today. I called the store this morning and was told that Barry would be there until 5:00 PM today. Shortly after that phone call, Tom and I were on our trek to Rose Bud.

Neither of us had been there before and frankly, were eagerly looking forward to the ride there. It was not necessarily the destination we were focused on, rather the journey. It was such a crisp, clear day and aside from the perfect weather conditions, we were both in exceptionally good moods.

Sometimes Tom surprises me as to how sensitive and intuitive to my needs he is. Prior to my contacting Remedies, I was not sure Barry would even be there today. Tom told me we would go anyway; and if it turned out he was not there, we would just go Christmas shopping or something. He went on to say, "Then we'll just go back again tomorrow to see him."

Know, now, that this town is not just down the road a few miles.  We're talking about a four hour round trip jaunt. That just is so sweet, to me. He put my desires before his own and just made the best of it. He's just too good to me. In the words of Daddy, "Most people are on a quest to find themselves. Tom has 'arrived.'" I couldn't agree more!

On the way there, we finished a book on CD which Bobbi had given me, The Wedding, by Danielle Steele. I quickly admit that the book was not Tom's choice, but once again, he selflessly yielded and listened to the CD's as if it had been. He even chuckled a couple of times, which pleased me and assured me he was listening after all.

Before we knew it, we were in Rose Bud. Slowly rolling through town as we didn't know exactly where this health food store was, it wasn't long before I spotted it to our right. Tom pulled into the parking lot which adjoined the parking lot of The Jaded Flamingo, which appeared to be an eclectic furniture and novelty store.

I had been given advice from more than one person about the manner in which to behave, for the lack of a better word, in order to be "read" by Barry. One said to enter and to have a seat until summoned. Another said she hadn't been briefed, therefore, stood in the "wrong place," and had been reprimanded by Barry, who said, "Can't you see I am in the middle of a consultation? Have a seat." She went on to tell me that she then apologized and entered the room just off of the main entrance room where she took a seat on one of two white leather couches. She told me not to tarry if he had "clients" there, just to "go into the back room and sit down on the couch."

To understand more clearly how one might lend question to what the proper herbal store entry etiquette should be, allow me to paint for you a picture of what it is one sees entering this particular health food store. At least this is what Tom and I saw.

The adjoining spaces, Remedies, and The Jaded Flamingo were contained in a brick building, separate entrances for each. However, noted, Remedies, from all appearances, also had an exit door. All doors were glass, two of which had the word "Enter" above the door; one door had only the numbers 6008 above the door--the physical street address.

Right or wrong, I assumed that to be the exit door, or perhaps Barry's personal entrance. To be sure, I was not about to pull on the door that did not have clearly marked, "Enter." I was in no mood to be embarrassed right off the bat. To me, having worked in a physician's office many, many years, it only made sense that the "practitioner" would have a separate entrance, or certainly, a flow of traffic for his/her clients. They come in one door, are seen, and exit the back door.

It was quickly apparent to me once we  pulled open the glass door clanking small copper cow bell or the like against the glass to alert shoppe owners of entering customers, why confusion might abound.

Crossing the threshold, the "feel" of the small front room  was as any other typical health food store. There were shelves filled to capacity of all sizes, colors, and shapes of bottles and boxes containing capsules, liquids, and cellophane wrapped herbs, powders, and who knows what all.

Across the room, against the far wall, was a backless bench more or less covered with various items, one of which was a box containing outgoing parcels. Directly to the left of the doorway entrance were four ladder backed chairs, all lined up against the plate glass store front windows. The two chairs in the center were red, the outside chairs, natural wood colored.

In front of those four chairs was a single chair. Beside the chair, on the floor, was a local telephone book, several what appeared to be reference books, a clip board and a pen. Barry occupied that chair, a couple in the red chairs directly across from him. He was in the middle of a consultation; that was my cue to advance to the back room, have a seat, do not pass go, and do not collect $200.oo.

As to not appear as novices, I led Tom to one of the farthest shelves and acted very interested in something that turned out to be for prostate ailments. Figures..... But who, besides the young man tending the counter, knew I hadn't a clue what I was so intently studying? Well, the young man...and Tom. But, thankfully, he didn't let on.

My eyes darting about, finally I spotted the side room furnished with the infamous white leather couches. Whew! And not a moment too soon. The next herb I fondled may well be for hemorrhoids.... 

It was in that room where the door with the unknown purpose existed. A simple unassuming glass door, during our total stay, we saw no one enter or exit. So, I still don't know what that door was used for. Perhaps delivery and pick up. Who knows....

We had brought our required reading book from the book club to which we belong, Water for the Elephants, so when we seated ourselves, Tom began to read, I lent the appearance of reading. I was highly interested in attempting to eavesdrop on the consultation in the next room. Unfortunately, the couple was a soft spoken pair and I heard little.

While that couple was checking out and purchasing their recommended herb, vitamin, mineral, or whatever, another couple came in the store and obviously didn't honor the first come, first served policy. Though I could not see them, I could hear them. 

This couple was made up of two females--evidently family members. The "patient" told Barry that she had a "place" on her stomach that itched and that the treatment regimes of two separate physicians had, to this point, failed to be effective.

Again, I am assuming, but since I did hear Barry ask if she had any other places that looked like "that one," I'm thinking she either unbuttoned or lifted up her shirt to bare her belly for him to see at least that one area.

He then asked her if she had any pets. Yes. If she slept with them. Yes. (About now, I'm thinking ringworm) To the question of what kind of animal and what size? A dog, 85 pounds. Name? Turdy. (I kid you NOT!) When questioned on that one again, she said, "Well, his name is really TURD, but when we call his name in public, it just sounds better to say, "Turdy."  ***Insert eye roll here*** Whatever.....

Moving right along......

"Do you ever see.....Turdy......scooting across the carpet on his behind?"

No, not really........

I began to question my good sense in coming here and losing confidence in the highly recommended Barry when he then asked her, "Do you ever scoot across the carpet on your behind?" I looked at Tom and found he was already looking at me on that one.........

Thankfully, they all broke out in laughter and I sighed with relief. Tom again turned his attention to his book. The rest of the conversation was pretty uneventful. He ordered an herb for hook worms, pin worms, yeast, and fungus. (Pretty broad spectrum, but she was good with it.)

Yet another couple beat us to the punch by not adhering  to the unspoken policy. This time the wife wanted a cure for her husband's worsening psoriasis. That consult was fairly interesting as he (Barry) linked that to failing kidney function. He recommended something for that, which was gleefully accepted.

By this time, my patience with being patient and passive was growing thin. The young man tending the counter came back to the room we were "reading" in and washed his hands. I took this golden opportunity to inquire if there was something we needed to do to see Barry such as sign a sheet, be placed on a list, or something else? "Oh, no. After this couple, you're next. I'll tell him."

At last we were noticed....you'd think.....

The couple checks out, a guy walks in with the complaint of an earache. He doesn't even have the decency to sit in the designated red chair! Barry sees  him just in passing. Ear waxing/smoke therapy and some capsules, and he's outta there.

And yet we wait......

Barry comes in "our" room for some unknown reason, appears surprised, and asks, "Are you here to see me?" I SOOOOoooooo wanted to say something smart, but held my tongue for fear he'd recommend something that would give me raging diarrhea, so I simply smiled politely and said, "Yes."

"Well, you'd better get out there, then!" he said half chuckling. Yeah, I was tickled....NOT!

While he was instructing us, one woman came in and plopped down in one of the red chairs. Grrrr..... But, we did as we were told, and seated ourselves right next to her. The young counter attendant sheepishly smiled at us and admitted he "almost forgot" about us. Ha    Ha  Funny...

He did ask the lady to seat herself on the bench across the room when Barry came back into the room as he had forgotten we were waiting (twenty five couples ago...). Begrudgingly she obliged.

Barry sat down in front of us and asked who he was seeing. Already I was disappointed. I felt sure he could tell by just looking. But, I did give him that much information. I owned up, it was me.

He asked why I was there. Now you see, I was totally misinformed or I was different than any other client he has seen as of late. I was told that one simply sat in front of him, and without any more than an introduction, he went into a sort of trance for a few minutes and then he told you what, if anything, was wrong with you. Not so, in my case.

I did, however, tell him just that; I told him what everyone I had spoken to in Evening Shade who had seen him said about their consultation. All of them had said the same thing, "You don't have to tell him a thing." And there I was..........why is it always different with me???

Oddly, at that time he go up and began asking his assistant about the stock order. He was peering at the stock on the shelves naming several items which needed to be reordered. Though I thought that strange, I hung in there wondering if I had somehow peeved him to the point he was going to make me wait even longer. I'm familiar with passive-aggressive behavior. I invented it.

As strangely as he left, he returned just as strangely. He sat down and then had writing on a piece of paper secured on his clipboard. "You have walking pneumonia and have had for some time now. It is in your right lower lobe, and 30 percent of your lung is raw. (interesting.....) You have Wilson's Syndrome, and you are dehydrated." 

"What," he says, "besides your husband, is your biggest complaint?" I told him that my husband was the LEAST of my complaints. "Probably," I said, "the inability to sleep well."

"That's because of the pneumonia," he explained. The puzzled look on my face most likely prompted his response. "Your body won't allow you to fall into a deep sleep because it is alerting you to "Wake up! Wake up! I'm drowning here!" He told me I was carrying around AT LEAST 7 pounds of fluid on my lungs that ought not to be there and that was why I was short of breath. *whew, I thought it was because I'm 50 pounds overweight. Good news!!!

So.....as I predicted...he then turned his attention to Tom. You're anemic. Hmmm...... Advised him to eat calf liver three times a week for at least 3 weeks. Explained to him that the reason his shoulders and lower back ached was that he needed iron. OK.............

So, I walked out of there with 3o bucks worth of herbs that I will try with an open mind. But not forever. If I feel better and start losing pounds hand over fist (he said I would be "back" in spandex and halter tops again before long.....) in three weeks.....that's a good enough trial time, I'd think. I'll keep you informed.......

A Little Off......